Saturday 31 January 2009

New Me



I got a new haircut today. Put myself in the hands of the stylist and here is the finished result. I asked the stylist to take a photo with my phone camera - and looking at the photo, I've just noticed that a man I was totally unaware of appears to be taking a photo of me with HIS phone at the same time! How very odd! By the way, I didn't really go for a 'blue rinse' - not sure where that blue is coming from.

Wednesday 28 January 2009

Corduroy Corner

Back in November last year I received an invitation to join a national medical research project. Involving 500,000 people aged 40 – 69 from all around the UK, “UK Biobank” has been set up to support a diverse range of research intended to improve the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of illness, and the promotion of health throughout society.

Taking part involves a single visit of about 90 minutes to the local UK Biobank Assessment Centre where you first of all sit in front of a computer screen and answer some questions on health and lifestyle, then move around the centre from one standard medical test to another – providing blood and urine samples, being weighed and measured and having your relevant medical history taken along with a record of any prescription or over-the-counter drugs you take on a regular basis.

I agreed to join the study and my appointment was on 21st January, in Reading (about 20 miles from the Wingfield Ward). I was given special leave to go (escorted by a friend).

It seems the invitations were sent out by postcode area, and I found myself sat between a small group of people from my neighbourhood, including a lady I knew from when we served together as School Governors back in the mid to late 1980’s. Besides her and myself, there were three men of similar age, height and build, all wearing similar clothes (corduroy trousers, a casual shirt and woollen jumper). She was chatting with a couple of these men and that was how I discovered they all lived within a stone’s throw of me.

(Having noted the corduroy trousers there, I thought no more of it until today’s meeting of the Spirituality Project group, where once again I found myself sat beside another man of that ‘certain age’ where corduroy trousers, a casual shirt and woollen jumper are the fashion choice). I’m starting to seriously consider whether I need to rush out and buy Vic some cords so that he can get in the spirit of the neighbourhood.

Wednesday 21 January 2009

Self sufficiency – v – Social Skills

As a child I was very self-sufficient – a ‘loner’. I looked to have one special friend with whom I could share my world when I ventured out into the realm beyond self-sufficiency. These days that isn’t regarded as a healthy option for children who, from nursery school onwards, are encouraged to enlarge their social circles. Putting all your emotional eggs in one relationship as I did time and time again was a sure way to get hurt (as long as that relationship was with another human being).

Looking back down the years, I can recognise how inadequate my social skills were as a child, and although I’ve since learned how to demonstrate love and respect for myself and for other people (which I believe to be at the heart of social skills), it doesn’t always come naturally and even at 53 there are times when I let myself down. Here’s a very recent example from my sojourn in Wingfield Ward.

When I meet someone I take to, I give them a little card with my contact details and blog address as my way of offering the hand of friendship. Few people respond, but one person subsequently offered this conversational gambit:
“I read your blog.”

I was delighted and wanted to know more - but did I say so? Nope. My response:
“Oh, it’s been quite boring lately – degenerated to the level of ‘what I had for breakfast'. Some of the earlier articles were more interesting”

This killed the conversation dead. If I could rewind, I would now respond,
“What did you think of it?” I really would like to know.

Another bad habit: making assumptions. Someone hands me some deeply personal information and (in the words of one of my closest friends) I ‘throw it back in their face’. An example: a person I respect and like spoke of having been adopted and I tossed this into a conversation about parenting. This, I suspect, is me playing the role of psychotherapist – trying to help someone see the link between their emotional past and their present difficulty – and it doesn’t take a huge step from there to realise that it is myself I’m trying to help; trying through another’s life to find the key to unlock the door to ‘freedom’ in my own life. Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, has a lot to say about ego playing roles and the strife this gets us into. Can recommend it if you haven't read it.

Occasionally though, this child of love gets it right! Occasionally the love and respect I feel for another simply oozes out and I see the difference it makes! Hallelujah!