If life hands you an odd sock, make a sock puppet

On Saturday at around 3 am I was admitted as a 'Voluntary Patient to the ARC2 Ward at the Noel Lavin Unit in Guildford, there being no spare beds at the Wingfield Ward, the local Mental Health Inpatient facility where I've spent some time in the past.  I've put 'Voluntary Patient' in inverted commas because I wasn't offered another option.  Over the past few weeks I've been working out my notice at my current employment and preparing for a new venture into self-employment.  I've been coping well with the pressures, but a few lingering self-doubts led to me taking a couple of decisions which Vicky and David interpreted as relapse indicators: I'd phoned my daughter after midnight Thursday night - something I've never done before as she is generally in bed before midnight - and I'd walked barefoot to my son's house (a couple of miles) and woken him at 6 am Friday morning.  He wasn't amused.  They expressed their concern by taking me to the local Accident & Emergency hospital for a psych assessment.  I went willingly as I understood their need to 'do something' about their concerns, and I was confident that a psych assessment would find me perfectly sane.  We spent 11 hours sitting in waiting rooms Friday, then they were tasked to deliver me to the ARC2 ward where I was given a bed in a room with another patient peacefully snoring the night away.

Whilst I was there, we had some glorious summery weather - here's a view from the ARC2 Lounge taken on Wednesday 23rd, looking towards Guildford Cathedral as the sun sets.

Same view the next morning after the thick mist has begun to clear to the extent you can see the buildings nearby but not the Cathedral.

I attended a couple of the therapy groups, including one on Mindfulness.  On the wall of the Therapy Lounge was this piece of artwork/wisdom on coping with feelings.

Corduroy Corner

Back in November last year I received an invitation to join a national medical research project. Involving 500,000 people aged 40 – 69 from all around the UK, “UK Biobank” has been set up to support a diverse range of research intended to improve the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of illness, and the promotion of health throughout society.

Taking part involves a single visit of about 90 minutes to the local UK Biobank Assessment Centre where you first of all sit in front of a computer screen and answer some questions on health and lifestyle, then move around the centre from one standard medical test to another – providing blood and urine samples, being weighed and measured and having your relevant medical history taken along with a record of any prescription or over-the-counter drugs you take on a regular basis.

I agreed to join the study and my appointment was on 21st January, in Reading (about 20 miles from the Wingfield Ward). I was given special leave to go (escorted by a friend).

It seems the invitations were sent out by postcode area, and I found myself sat between a small group of people from my neighbourhood, including a lady I knew from when we served together as School Governors back in the mid to late 1980’s. Besides her and myself, there were three men of similar age, height and build, all wearing similar clothes (corduroy trousers, a casual shirt and woollen jumper). She was chatting with a couple of these men and that was how I discovered they all lived within a stone’s throw of me.

(Having noted the corduroy trousers there, I thought no more of it until today’s meeting of the Spirituality Project group, where once again I found myself sat beside another man of that ‘certain age’ where corduroy trousers, a casual shirt and woollen jumper are the fashion choice). I’m starting to seriously consider whether I need to rush out and buy Vic some cords so that he can get in the spirit of the neighbourhood.

Self sufficiency – v – Social Skills

As a child I was very self-sufficient – a ‘loner’. I looked to have one special friend with whom I could share my world when I ventured out into the realm beyond self-sufficiency. These days that isn’t regarded as a healthy option for children who, from nursery school onwards, are encouraged to enlarge their social circles. Putting all your emotional eggs in one relationship as I did time and time again was a sure way to get hurt (as long as that relationship was with another human being).

Looking back down the years, I can recognise how inadequate my social skills were as a child, and although I’ve since learned how to demonstrate love and respect for myself and for other people (which I believe to be at the heart of social skills), it doesn’t always come naturally and even at 53 there are times when I let myself down. Here’s a very recent example from my sojourn in Wingfield Ward.

When I meet someone I take to, I give them a little card with my contact details and blog address as my way of offering the hand of friendship. Few people respond, but one person subsequently offered this conversational gambit:
“I read your blog.”
I was delighted and wanted to know more - but did I say so? Nope. My response:
“Oh, it’s been quite boring lately – degenerated to the level of ‘what I had for breakfast'. Some of the earlier articles were more interesting”
This killed the conversation dead. If I could rewind, I would now respond,
“What did you think of it?” I really would like to know.

Another bad habit: making assumptions. Someone hands me some deeply personal information and (in the words of one of my closest friends) I ‘throw it back in their face’. An example: a person I respect and like spoke of having been adopted and I tossed this into a conversation about parenting. This, I suspect, is me playing the role of psychotherapist – trying to help someone see the link between their emotional past and their present difficulty – and it doesn’t take a huge step from there to realise that it is myself I’m trying to help; trying through another’s life to find the key to unlock the door to ‘freedom’ in my own life. Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, has a lot to say about ego playing roles and the strife this gets us into. Can recommend it if you haven't read it.

Occasionally though, this child of love gets it right! Occasionally the love and respect I feel for another simply oozes out and I see the difference it makes! Hallelujah!

Hard Work, Synchronicity, Miracle

Bank Holiday Monday

Wet start, but it turned into a sparkling sunny day. Did some weeding over the allotment in the afternoon, and planted up some iceberg lettuce seedlings donated by another plotholder. Sowed some radish and spring onion seeds. In the evening Vic and I went over David’s and met his new bird – a Senegal parrot – and I cemented the introduction by hand-feeding him/her apple for a while. The bird is still young enough not to have moving from one perch to the next fully figured, and his/her clumsy attempts can be entertaining. Colouring-wise, he/she is green on top with a yellow/orange belly and looks like a cross between David’s previous birds, Connie the maroon-bellied conure and Billie the sun conure, but with a shorter tail. Photo may follow in due course.

Tuesday 6th May

Glorious day! Fantastic summer weather. Brian had the day off and picked me up around 10 am. We put in a couple of hours over the allotment, getting the top netting on the fruit cage and preparing the ground where I sowed some more seeds: carrots, parsnips, swede and beetroot. After lunch we put in another couple of hours weeding despite the heat.

In the evening Vic and I went over David’s where I put in another hour’s hard work cutting the knee-high grass in his back garden while the boys chopped down the trees in the front to create enough space on the drive for him to park his car off-road.

Wednesday 7th May

Synchronicity: In my ‘Quiet Time’ I’m following the UCB publication, ‘The Word for Today’, and the Foundation for Inner Peace publication, ‘A Course in Miracles’. Today’s Word for Today carried the story of an eagle egg hatched under a hen along with her other eggs, and how the eagle grew up thinking it was a chicken, engaging in chicken behaviour along with his ‘siblings’, until the day an eagle flew over the chicken yard and the eagle who thought he was a chicken looked up and realised he wanted to be like that eagle – he spread his wings and discovered the power to fly, to soar above the mountain peaks, to be his true self, the creature he was made to be.

Then I turned to Lesson 128 in 'A Course in Miracles' which spoke of soaring beyond the petty scope and little ways of the world we see, about the things which bar our awareness of our true self, of rising far above the world:W-pI.128.6. Pause and be still a little while, and see how far you rise above the world, when you release your mind from chains and let it seek the level where it finds itself at home. 2 It will be grateful to be free a while. 3 It knows where it belongs. 4 But free its wings, and it will fly in sureness and in joy to join its holy purpose. 5 Let it rest in its Creator, there to be restored to sanity, to freedom and to love. (from A Course in Miracles, Foundation for Inner Peace)

Went back to the Ridgewood today for Doctor’s ward round. The ‘Section’ has now been lifted and I’m classed as a voluntary patient on leave. Medication has been reduced – hooray!

Back home I moved the surviving herbs from the aearogarden into the outdoor herb garden, sanitised the aerogarden and replanted it with the salad greens kit.

In the evening Vic drove me over the allotment so I could do some watering – it’s been another gorgeous summery day – and then we spent an hour over Dave’s where I finished cutting the grass in the back garden, and he and Dave finished chopping down the trees in the front.

Went on to Cell group. Folks were very emotional tonight in response to the miracle – Micky had become blind on 24th April due to a haemorrhage at the back of his ‘good’ eye (he’d previously been unable to see with one eye, but had had 20/20 vision in the other). The church had responded with prayer and fasting, and this week Micky’s daughter had driven down to lay her hands on him and pray over him. He’d felt a bit strange afterwards and rested for a while – when he got up, the healing had begun and gradually through today his sight has recovered to the point he can now recognise faces! The specialist had seen him today and conceded that ‘Nature’ had done what he had been unable to do, and begun to disperse the blood clot that had blocked Micky’s sight.