Friday 21 December 2007

Talking Newspaper - barely a whisper


I felt privileged to be chosen to read for the Christmas edition of the local Talking Newspaper. All seemed to be going smoothly as we set up until the technician discovered the eject button was pushed right in on the recording deck. After some experimentation he discovered the tape drawer would automatically eject when he turned the power off, so we thought we were set to go and he did the sound level checks ... but then discovered that the recording sounded distorted. He changed the master tape and tried again ... same result. Both tapes had been folded in on themselves. He looked in the tape drawer and found that a cotton bud (used to clean the recording heads) had dropped down inside. No tools to remove it, but after much fiddling with a pen and a pair of scissors, he managed to wriggle it out. With a third master tape in the deck, we tried again .... same result! The tape was STILL being folded. He phoned the 'man in charge' - no reply. Meanwhile us girls were exploring and found an old tape deck so we got that out and set it up in place of the faulty one ... the technician was a bit concerned that he couldn't get adequate sound levels but we decided to try reading the first article and check to see if you could hear it. Sadly our Talking Newspaper was barely a whisper. Realising we'd run out of options, we packed up and went home early.

(I'm on the left in the photo, wearing the silly hat)



Monday 24 September 2007

The Library Project

I mentioned previously some of the projects I'm involved in currently, but I didn't mention the fact that I've taken on the task of setting up a library for the Beacon church. It came about because a few months ago a couple of people chanced to mention a particular book to me, and recommend I read it. Whilst I'm not working I'm disinclined to spend too much on luxuries for myself as it doesn't seem fair on Vic. I asked to borrow the book - neither person could locate their copy and both recalled they had lent it to someone else but couldn't remember to whom. From this came the inspiration for the idea that it would be good to catalogue all the Christian books we've got at home on our bookshelves and have a central 'virtual library' with a system for requesting books and keeping track of where they were so that they eventually find their way back to their owner's bookshelf. It fits in with the principle of New Testament living of believers sharing their possessions (Acts 2:44). I put the idea forward, the leaders gave their blessing and a church member introduced me to 'LibraryThing' which seemed heaven-sent for the purpose! I sent off for a barcode scanner and was all set to go.

Originally I had intended that the books stay on people's bookshelves, but as it turned out, there were a number of books already at the Beacon building, including a large box of children's books. I was encouraged to bring them home and begin with cataloguing these. A wet Monday when I'd caught up with all the usual household tasks provided the ideal moment. I picked up the book on top of the pile of junior books …. and started reading it. It was so interesting, I read it from cover to cover … and by the time I'd finished, it was time to go and have a cup of tea with a new friend, June, from the allotments. Altogether a very pleasant day, although perhaps not quite as productive as I had intended. Oh well, to borrow a phrase, so it goes …



Thursday 20 September 2007

Endoscopy

I mentioned previously about a conversation I'd had with Phil where he spoke of people saying strange things in his presence, and me countering with the suggestion he could think about these things differently and then might feel differently. An example of just such an event happened whilst I was waiting for my appointment for gastro-intestinal endoscopy.

The appointment was for 8.30 am so Vic dropped me off punctually and I made my way to the department. The paperwork had warned that just because I was asked to get there for 8.30, it didn't mean I'd be seen at that time. I'd been told to eat nothing after my previous evening's meal, and to drink nothing after midnight. The waiting room was already almost full – only a couple of seats spare – as it became apparent that all the patients to be seen that morning had been asked to arrive at 8.30 am. After I sat down, a young woman (early 20's) came and sat next to me. We sat in silence and waited … and waited. There didn't seem to be much happening – occasionally a nurse would come and collect a patient, take them away for a few minutes and then escort them back (after going through the health questionnaire we'd been asked to complete and bring with us).

Eventually the young woman beside me went and spoke to the receptionist, then came and sat down again. After a while she said out loud "You selfish bitch!". Startled, I glanced at her. Momentarily I considered the statement and wondered if I was, indeed, a selfish bitch. It's a possibility I've considered before. Then the Counsellor in my head pointed out that the young lady was probably judging herself harshly because of her earlier action in going to the receptionist (presumably to try and get seen quicker). "I'm sure you're not" I reassured her with a smile, receiving a warm, grateful smile in return. Inwardly I was thankful to the loving spirit which had defused what could have been a painful event for me had I thought differently about it.

Sedation is routinely offered for this gastroscopy procedure, but I'm pleased to say I was able to elect to do without, feeling peaceful and calm despite the long wait. However, I did decide to offer some feedback to the Consultant and sent him a letter which I've posted here in case you wish to read it. In the letter I tried to keep in mind the principles a wise man once taught me regarding communication:

1) Is what I am about to say true?
2) Am I going to say it in such a way that will build up and not tear down? This could relate to a situation or a person. (So often the language we use can be very destructive, and indeed the very way we use it helps create the 'meaning ' of what is going on).
3) If I am speaking about another person who is not present, would I be willing to say it in their presence?

Here is the feedback letter I wrote to the Consultant:


GASTROSCOPY PROCEDURE – 20TH September - FEEDBACK

In these days when everyone is looking for ways to improve the service provided, I hope you will find the following feedback useful.

I received an appointment pack inviting me to come for GI endoscopy on Thursday 20th September. This was very prompt (only a month since my GP requested an appointment).

The information received was very helpful, informative and easy to understand. The paperwork included a proforma to return within 5 days in acceptance of the appointment. There was no return envelope provided. [Comment: On the one hand, I can see this is a good idea in terms of saving hospital money that can be better spent elsewhere – for each patient to fund his/her own return envelope + postage is a minimal outlay – and if it is a policy decision then it would be good to include on the proforma a paragraph to explain this and make it clear that it is the patient's responsibility to provide the envelope. On the other hand, I contrast this with the appointment I received to attend for a barium swallow x-ray in August – where a simple telephone call was all that was required to confirm acceptance of the appointment.]

I arrived at 8.30 am on the 20th as per instructions and was invited to take a seat in an almost full waiting room. I waited there for 3 hours, during which time a nurse went through the health questionnaire with me and labelled me. Then I was brought through to wait in the ward for another 10 minutes or so before you came to collect me and bring me in to the clinic.

Thank you and your staff who made the experience as painless as possible – everyone seemed confident and reassuring, warm, friendly and competent.

The time spent in the waiting room seems excessive. [Comment: You want your patients to be in a relaxed, calm state for the procedure and sitting for 3 hours or more in a room full of potentially anxious people with little to distract them may not be conducive to this. Could you learn from the x-ray department where a timed appointment was given?]

During the procedure, I gave a few loud belches. Each time you said, "I'm sorry, that was my fault". This makes it sound like you've done something wrong, which has caused the belches, but my guess is that the belches are a normal part of the process, and you offer that reassurance in order to put a patient at ease. May I suggest that another form of words, such as "Don't worry – that's normal" would reassure the patient without lodging the idea that you were making mistakes?

As I was being wheeled out of the clinic, you gave me a reassuring wink and it helped me smile and offer a sincere 'thank you'. I do indeed want to reiterate my thanks to you and your staff for all your hard work and for the standard of care provided.


Saturday 1 September 2007

Relapse: What went wrong? Retrospectively

Ok, so for nearly a year – certainly since my baptism last November, I have been happily living at home, managing the normal, everyday stuff along with managing the allotment and working with the Mental Health Links. So what was it triggered the relapse?

With Mental Health Links, I've been working on two projects: 1) to get a 'Sunshine & Showers' group launched in Surrey Heath; 2) to find the best way to further the Positive Spirituality in Promoting Mental Health agenda locally. Meanwhile I've been continuing to attend and enjoy Ballroom and Latin-American dance classes on a Monday evening, with my dance partner, Brian, and taking an active part in the life of the Beacon Church – both as a member of a Cell Group and as a member of the wider church. ('Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength and love your neighbour as you love yourself')

On September 1st, we had a barbecue here. It was a glorious day and seemed successful in every aspect – the people (family, my church friends and Vic's work colleagues) who came all enjoyed themselves (and I was complimented on having a gift for getting the 'right' people together). The food was good, there was plenty of it, the conversation flowed, etc., etc. Although beforehand there was a lot of hard work went into the preparation, on the day it all seemed to come together so easily there was no stress involved. Yet by the end of the day I felt the early warning symptoms of another relapse – a strange sense like a shadow coming over me, or of looking at my immediate family and feeling distanced, like an outsider looking in. Talk to anybody about this? No, like usual I thought if I carried on regardless, I'd get back on track. I THINK that I upped the medication to 100mg leading up to the barbecue, recognising that stress might cause a 'blip'. I'd been taking a low dose (50mg) of Quetiapine up until the 30th August. This much I know because I'd recorded it in a diary. But from Friday 31st August through to September 4th I didn't make a note of dosage. When I met up with the psychiatrist on August 30th for the regular review, I was doing fine. Dr P_ introduced a med. student, Barney, who would be with her for a few weeks. At one point, presumably feeling a need to explain why someone as apparently intelligent, normal and grounded as me was seeing her, she turned to Barney and said, "Trish was very disruptive to her family last year". I said nothing, merely smiling at him in a gentle way, as I thought I detected a trace of embarrassment in his eyes when he met mine. In the normal course of events, 'normal' adults aren't subjected to another adult speaking about them in a demeaning manner. But hey, it was true, after a fashion, so I shrugged inwardly and kept quiet.

Friday 25 May 2007

Puppy Parenting: Running Free

Thursday 24 May

A glorious day. After much fumbling, David and I managed to work out how to put the car harness back on (I should have paid more attention when the trainers did it for me on Tuesday when I picked Doyle up). Big as he is, Doyle hasn't yet worked out that he could quite happily manage to jump into the car on his own. At the command 'Car, In', he puts his forefeet up and waits for me to lift his rear end in. The charity's policy is to be ultra-careful not to over-stress the puppy's joints whilst he is young to try and avoid inducing hip dysplasia. He is as good as gold on car journies, settling down quietly.

Fifteen minutes later we arrive at our destination, a wooded recreation area which I guessed would be pretty much deserted today. Sure enough as we walk through the woods, we are completely alone apart from the wildlife. I let Doyle off the lead and give him the 'release' command. Tail up, he trots off happily to investigate all those exciting smells. It is a lovely place to walk with the warm sunlight filtering through the trees, and a warm pine needle smell. Doyle flushes a squirrel and chases it with big gambolling puppy bounces and ears flapping. He is in seventh heaven. I try the recall command, and instantly he's bouncing towards me, tail waving wildly. Excellent - and his reward is a small handful of chicken.

We climb a hill together, and on the way down Doyle pounces on the pine cones that roll away from him, dislodged by his enormous paws. It looks very cute! Unexpectedly as we round a corner, we meet another walker with his dog. Doyle bounds up to greet the new dog, who looks nervous and intimidated by this huge adolescent. I call him and obediently he trots back to my side, to receive another chicken treat.

Thursday evening marks a new experience - Vic and I go out for a meal with some friends, leaving Doyle at home with David. Through the evening my thoughts stray back, wondering how things are at home. The feelings are reminiscent of when the children were young and leaving them with a babysitter for the first time. Of course I needn't have worried, and David is more than equal to the task of keeping Doyle entertained.

Friday 25th May

Today is another milestone in our relationship - Doyle accompanied me to a meeting. I'd arranged in advance that it would be ok to bring him. We were a few minutes late as we got stuck in the lift, but Doyle coped with the experience very well (no doubt consoled by the odd chicken treat he received). Once in the meeting I sat at the table with a cup of coffee and expected Doyle to settle quietly beside me as he does at home, so I was taken aback when he gave voice to a few barks - I wasn't quite sure whether it was to do with me giving my attention to other people rather than him. I frowned at him and told him "No! Quiet" a couple of times, and praised him and rewarded him when he was quiet, and he soon got the message and settled down quietly. What a pro he is!

Postscript

Doyle was with us for a week but during that time I realised that I wasn't coping very well with the additional pressures - particularly the fact that he wouldn't settle at night unless I was close at hand - and so reluctantly I returned him to the charity rather than risk undoing the excellent training he had received to date.

Wednesday 23 May 2007

Such a Charmer!


Wednesday 23rd May

'I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me' (Robert Louis Stevenson) ... or not so little, in this case. Doyle seems determined not to let me out of his sight, stretching out at my feet wherever I happen to be working. This bonding will be a very useful attribute in his nature ultimately when he is paired with a disabled partner, but for me it takes some getting used to. Brown eyes gaze soulfully at me when I shut the bathroom door and leave him on the other side, and no matter how long I'm in there, he's lying faithfully in wait for me to emerge.

Meanwhile life goes on. At the allotments the site agent observed recently that I'm running out of space on my starter plot and when an unexpected vacancy came up, she offered me first refusal. The plan is that I will take on an additional half-plot for the rest of the season, then when I've had the benefit of all the crops I've planted on plot 10, I'll give that up in favour of taking on the whole of this new plot (which is in a far more advantageous position). Vic came with Doyle and me to have a look at the new plot, and what a pleasant walk it was. Doyle trotted prettily in between us, tail high. "Oh, what a lovely dog!" we heard from passers by. He smiles at everyone and accepts the attention to the manner born.

Tuesday 22 May 2007

Puppy Parenting: The fun begins!


It was an early start as puppy classes were being held at a farm near Chichester, followed by a walk and a picnic. Just before I set off, I checked my emails and learned there was a 99% chance I would be able to bring a dog home today. Yesterday's cold front had moved on and left glorious sunshine. The drive down was very pleasant as I managed to choose a route without too many roadworks or traffic jams. I found the farm without too much difficulty and was given a 12 month old golden retriever called Beano to work. His regular handler owned the farm and was in charge of bringing the farm animals into the field so that the dogs could become used to them and learn not to pay any attention to them. That was all old hat to Beano, but he was a bit confused at first to discover that his regular handler wasn't paying HIM any attention. Once he cottoned on to the fact that I was the one giving him rewards for good behaviour he responded well, even coming back to me when I recalled him during his off-lead romping in the corn with the other dogs.

After the walk and picnic, I drove back to the charity headquarters and waited for 'my' dog to arrive from Southampton. Doyle is a handsome 9 month old Retriever x Poodle. He is VERY tall - table height even when sitting. Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix-up in that he arrived without any equipment. Normally all the paraphernalia the dog needs follows him from one placement to another, but all Doyle had was his collar and tags. It took a while for the Puppy Operations Director to locate all the essential equipment, and then Doyle was harnessed safely for the journey home. We arrived at 5 pm - time for his dinner, according to his Transfer Info. Sheet.

I measured it out, mixed it with a little water as per the instructions, then asked Doyle to sit whilst I put the bowl down. He waited obediently until the 'OK' command, ate it with gusto then picked up the bowl when I asked him to 'get it' and handed it to me obediently.

The trainers had impressed upon me that the most important behaviour I should be working on initially is the toileting on cue in the place I designate. After his meal I took him into the garden on the lead, introduced him to the toilet area and gave the command. He sat down and looked at me. I led him out of the toilet area then back in and tried again. Again he sat down and looked at me. I waited, not looking at him - it's supposed to encourage the dog to think, to try and work out what behaviour is required. Doyle whined a little. In the brief chat I'd had with his previous handler, she had commented on this. Toileting has been a bit of a problem area since he was neutered.

Apart from that, he seemed extremely well-mannered and biddable, and a most charming fellow.

When it came to bedtime, he went in his kennel crate without any problem and I gave him a kong stuffed with little bits of chicken to keep him occupied, but once everyone went upstairs to bed and he discovered he was alone, he became very upset, whining and barking. After a while I decided to spend the night on the settee nearby and eventually he did settle down to sleep.

Tuesday 15 May 2007

Puppy Parenting: Disappointment


Monday May 14th

Disappointment. Received an email today to say Buffy has been very lame over the weekend and it's affecting her behaviour, so they don't want to give her any more changes in her life to cope with whilst she's feeling poorly.

Tuesday May 15th

Above are Saffy and Yarrow, two adorable Labradoodles, waiting for puppy class to begin. Today I had a very enjoyable time working Yarrow who was extremely focussed and quick to respond, with a bright-eyed waggy tail eagerness. Great fun! It wasn't just the dog who basked in the praise the trainers heaped on us. I really like those poodle cross breeds.

Tuesday 8 May 2007

Puppy Parenting: False Start

Monday May 7th

Bank Holiday Monday brought typical Bank Holiday weather. Vicky had managed to find space for 4 visitors to sleep over, with the plan that we would all be up early and out for a ramble Monday morning. The weather was wet and very windy, and the prospect of walking in it was most unappealing. Instead we settled down to watch the snooker (or in my case, to read a book).
Lunch took some discussion, but eventually we reached a consensus - to go and eat at The Globe pub, known to serve most excellent food. We weren't disappointed. By the time we had finished and driven back to Vicky's, Dave & Jacky were home from Weymouth so came to join us for an hour, then we had the drive home. Fortunately although the traffic was heavy, it was free-flowing and we made good time. Excitement when I checked my emails - it appeared I would be bringing a dog home from puppy class tomorrow!


Tuesday May 8th

It's a 35 mile trip to Heyshott where the charity has its headquarters, but last time the journey took much longer than anticipated due to roadworks, so this week I left at 8.15 am, and arrived in good time at 9.25 with the first class not due to start until 10 am.

There were two 8 week old labrador pups in the first class, plus an 18 week old blond German Shepherd who was extremely well-behaved and intelligent.

Besides myself, there were three other prospective puppy parents watching. We compared notes - two were at the same stage as me, having had home visits and having been told yesterday to be prepared to bring a dog home today. One of these ladies seemed to have a lot of reservations. Her own dog had died not long ago, and I formed the impression she had perhaps rushed into this puppy parenting business and was beginning to have second thoughts.

The dogs were led in - four golden retrievers: three bitches and one dog, all with names beginning with 'B'. I was assigned to Buffy and given a bum-bag full of chicken treats, and invited to put her through some simple paces. Buffy was obedient to 'sit' and 'down' commands, but her tail was almost between her legs and it was entirely apparent she is not a very happy dog at the moment, unlike the other three. Apparently she has been trained at one of the satellite training centres, and has come back with hip dysplasia. She is undergoing a course of treatment and as I'm so far away, it was decided to keep her local until she has finished her current treatment with the local Vet. As she had worked well for me, I've been approved to take her but not until next Tuesday. Meanwhile I'm to try and find a local Veterinary hyrdrotherapy unit, so that she can build some muscle around the joint to support it.