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This miniature rose was given to me as a 'hostess gift' by my sister-in-law, Jacky, a couple of years ago and when it ceased to thrive indoors, I planted it out in the front garden
The ‘Growing in Awareness and Practice’ training course finished last Thursday. One of the things I had been intending to practice in real life situations was listening without an agenda: reflective listening that isn’t aimed at changing the speaker. It’s a skill that I’ve practiced in various training situations and in theory should be part of my ‘skill set’ – yet I’m aware that it certainly doesn’t seem to come naturally. Despite revising, re-reading a couple of articles on the subject and deciding henceforth I would be a good listener … well, let me tell you the story and you’ll maybe understand my difficulty in completing that sentence.
Had a conversation with a friend about Lee McQueen, the winner of the TV series, ‘The Apprentice’. My friend observed that Lee was the candidate who had lied on his CV, and wondered whether it sent out the right message, giving him the job – the end doesn’t justify the means. I responded tartly that, given Lee’s performance throughout the 12 weeks of the selection process, I didn’t think it was a fair way of defining him and had more to do with the media trying to polarise opinions. “You’ve joked about being ‘creative’ with expense claims” I pointed out, “how would you feel about being defined by that one negative act?” Point made, acknowledged my friend.
Then tonight at the dinner table, Vic commented on an article in the Telegraph about how ‘despite a £50 million “deep clean” of every hospital in England designed to curb superbugs’, hospitals are failing to meet basic hygiene standards. “It doesn’t help that they’re so under-resourced they have to employ cleaners who can’t speak a word of English and aren’t the most intelligent people around” he said. “That’s not fair!” I protested, “Just because people can’t speak English doesn’t necessarily mean they’re stupid”. It wasn't what he'd meant at all, and it killed the conversation. Reflecting back on these conversations later, I noticed the pattern. At first I saw it as a positive (me leaping to the defense of those not present to defend themselves), then my earlier resolve to listen without an agenda came to mind and reluctantly I acknowledged the negative (that leaping to seize the ‘moral high ground’ is not a loving way to respond to someone who has made him/herself vulnerable by offering an honest thought). I thought about other occasions where I’ve responded to what amounts to an invitation to intimacy, an ‘us against the world’ position – someone saying something unflattering about a third party not present – by turning on the speaker and denouncing them. Small wonder so few people have stuck around to maintain a long-standing close relationship with me, and full credit to those courageous souls who have!
Then I turned to ‘Power to Soar’ and read the entry for today:
(Titus 3:1-5)
Raging Restorer,
I respect you. Therefore I grant you enormous freedom of thought and expression – even when you’re dead wrong!
Will you deny others the same freedom?
Yours smiling,
Father
It feels like I’m on the edge of a new order of understanding. Let’s hope so, eh?!
Had a conversation with a friend about Lee McQueen, the winner of the TV series, ‘The Apprentice’. My friend observed that Lee was the candidate who had lied on his CV, and wondered whether it sent out the right message, giving him the job – the end doesn’t justify the means. I responded tartly that, given Lee’s performance throughout the 12 weeks of the selection process, I didn’t think it was a fair way of defining him and had more to do with the media trying to polarise opinions. “You’ve joked about being ‘creative’ with expense claims” I pointed out, “how would you feel about being defined by that one negative act?” Point made, acknowledged my friend.
Then tonight at the dinner table, Vic commented on an article in the Telegraph about how ‘despite a £50 million “deep clean” of every hospital in England designed to curb superbugs’, hospitals are failing to meet basic hygiene standards. “It doesn’t help that they’re so under-resourced they have to employ cleaners who can’t speak a word of English and aren’t the most intelligent people around” he said. “That’s not fair!” I protested, “Just because people can’t speak English doesn’t necessarily mean they’re stupid”. It wasn't what he'd meant at all, and it killed the conversation. Reflecting back on these conversations later, I noticed the pattern. At first I saw it as a positive (me leaping to the defense of those not present to defend themselves), then my earlier resolve to listen without an agenda came to mind and reluctantly I acknowledged the negative (that leaping to seize the ‘moral high ground’ is not a loving way to respond to someone who has made him/herself vulnerable by offering an honest thought). I thought about other occasions where I’ve responded to what amounts to an invitation to intimacy, an ‘us against the world’ position – someone saying something unflattering about a third party not present – by turning on the speaker and denouncing them. Small wonder so few people have stuck around to maintain a long-standing close relationship with me, and full credit to those courageous souls who have!
Then I turned to ‘Power to Soar’ and read the entry for today:
(Titus 3:1-5)
Raging Restorer,
I respect you. Therefore I grant you enormous freedom of thought and expression – even when you’re dead wrong!
Will you deny others the same freedom?
Yours smiling,
Father
It feels like I’m on the edge of a new order of understanding. Let’s hope so, eh?!
2 comments:
thanks for the comment
Hi! I just wanted to thank you for your thoughtful comment. I just pray that one day soon I'll see myself as that lady saw herself: beautiful. God bless you =)
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